AND NOW THE REST OF THE STORY...

So I was initially really disappointed, but over the past few days God has turned that around. Through prayer and the wisdom of others I have been able to let go of the disappointment of not having a 10 day prayer time and other things that have been happening.

It was almost like an overnight transformation. I had talked to a few people about how I have been feeling, and that helped to alleviate some of the discouragement. But I was still being weighed down. I prayed through it and read the Word. Somewhere amongst all that God showed me that I need to focus on what we have going on and not on what we could have had. It was like my disappointment suddenly turned to more passion and fire for Global Day of Prayer. I am so ready and willing to pour my heart into this! I am so excited about this it almost brings tears to my eyes. Now I just have to find a job in Saskatoon so I can stay here!

No matter what you are facing it always seems to come down to one question.

Do you trust God?

Do you trust that He is in control?
Do you trust that He is good?
Do you trust that He works out everything for good?


Here is a verse from a song that I ripped off a friends blog. Hope you don't mind Jenn! I don't know what it is called or who wrote it.

God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don't understand,
when you don't see His plan,
when you can't trace His hand trust His heart.
He alone is faithful and true,
He alone knows what is best for you.

Trust God, it may seem disappointing at the moment, but perhaps, as a Father does, He is protecting you from something worse. Or preparing you for something better!

IT'S COMING

I am so excited! We are bringing Global Day of Prayer to Saskatoon!!! Well by we I mean ~99% Dan King ~1% others.

It's going to be so great I can't wait! May 27th if any of you are interested in coming to the "land of the living skies." The more the merrier

I am really excited but at the same time...

I was a really disappointed when our prayer group decided that we were not going to host 10 days of prayer. I was really looking forward to it. I love anything that brings people from different backgrounds and churches together. I have also been wanting to do another 24-7 week for so long so the idea of pairing it with GDOP seemed perfect to me. But alas it's not going to happen.

It was the weirdest thing. Usually I am the one who says "Hold on guys..." or "Can we really do this?" It was totally the other way around this time. I was ready to jump in with both feet and blindfolded, but most everyone was saying "I don't think this is a good idea."

I felt like the whole world had turned upside down. It took about a day for me to actually accept what had happened. Since monday I have been in this place where I feel like everything is foreign to me, even myself. I was really doubting whether I was capable of hearing the voice of God. If they say God is telling them "No" then why am I not hearing "No" too? It's hard to explain how I have been feeling, it may seem a little over dramatic, sorry. Imagine everyone around you has suddenly become like you, and then you have become the complete opposite of you and you didn't even know it.

I have struggled to express how I feel and so I have struggled to work it through with God.

It's like you've been waiting in line at an ice cream parlor anticipating a big ol' scoop of cookies 'n' cream. You get your waffle cone and take a good look at what you are about to indulge in. Then someone bumps you, the ice cream falls of your cone and splatters on the sidewalk. All you can do is stare at what might have been, wanting to cry but not wanting to make a scene in public. You look back and the store has closed, not to be reopened until next year. You still have the waffle cone, which is pretty tasty in and of itself but it is just not the same without the ice cream.


Don't dismay! I have worked it out with God! For the most part. Now I must be off to bed where I will be dreaming of the Marble Slab, yummy! The second installment of this little journey will come tomorrow!

AWKWARD IS AS AWKWARD DOES

So I find myself in yet another awkward situation that I really don't want to be in. It all started when I got home from school today. There was a man I had never seen before getting his mail (mailboxes are at the main door of the appartment building) when I got home. I said the standard "Hi" and "It's a beautiful day out today", typical passer by small talk. Then he literally started telling me his life story, and he's in his eighties so it was a long story. From when he was a kid on the farm, to going to war, to getting married, all the way until now.

Stuff like this happens to me a lot. For some reason people feel the need to tell me there life story. That's okay I don't mind listening. These people are usually lonely and just want someone to talk to. Today I was a little impatient though because I was expecting a phone call for a job interview, and I really had to take a leak. He just kept talking, must have been at least half an hour. Then the guy who lives across the street came in and kinda broke things up and I was able to skip away.

I got into my appartment and chuckled to myself. Thinking, typical day in the life of me. So I went about my business homework, etc. Then about 8pm tonight I heard a knock at my door. What the? Who could that possibly be? Guess who! Yup, Mr. 80 years old. My appartment was an absolute mess, I had papers, books, dishes, food, laundry everywhere. My unmentionables were in there usually place, hanging on everydoor knob to dry.

He insisted that he come inside because he wanted to ask me something. Great! So he came in and sat down on the only chair not covered in stuff. He said something about it being so perfect that he ran in to me today. He proceeded to ask me if I would go to this dinner with him, he had been given two tickets. I really don't have time because exams are coming up in a couple of weeks.

Turns out this dinner thing is one of those "Learn how you can make thousands of dollars off the internet" deals. Now not only do I not have time, but I also really don't want to go. I desperately wanted to say no, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. He seemed really lonely, and he was telling me how he has gotten these tickets a few times before but never had anyone to go with him. So I said yes. Somehow now I think saying no would have been less painful for me in the long run. I have spent the last two hours trying to figure out how I can get out of this. Anybody have any tips on how to be a jerk?

Then as he was leaving my appartment he is looking around asking me what this and that was, and looking in my bedroom and bathroom and closets. Aaaah! Get out! None of your business. I am really protective of my privacy, especially when it comes to my bedroom.

So now on April 5th I will be sitting through the most boring 3 hours of my life. Hopefully at least the food will be good.

THAT'S MY CHANGE ROOM!

I have decided that weird people shop at Zellers. Don't be offended, I shop there, that's how I know this. I usually don't make these generalizations, but after three incidences I feel comfortable with this opinion. Cross reference with a previous post about Zellers here.

I ran over there the other night because I needed a blue t-shirt for the next day and some milk. I had lots to do so I was hoping to be in and out of there super quick. As soon as I walked in the door I found a t-shirt in the exact shade I needed. What luck. I grabbed a couple sizes and headed to the changeroom. The first one I tried on fit perfectly! Excellent. As I was changing out of it someone comes banging on the door.

"Excuse me, Excuse me. Your in my change room."

"uh what?"

There had been nothing in there so I didn't understand what made it her changeroom. And we were the only ones there so it's not like this was the only room available. But I was tired and not in the mood for this so I changed quickly and got out. She went in.

"Where is my jacket, where is my stuff?

"I don't know there was nothing in there when I went in."

"Are you sure? My jacket, and bag and bra were in there. Where did they go? Did you steal it?"

"Yes ma'am I stole your bra, which is probably about eight sizes to big for me and your jacket which could probably fit four of me inside." I wish I had nerve to say that to her. Ooh, I was so not in the mood for this at that moment. But instead I said sweetly...

"Oh, I don't know ma'am. Maybe the sales lady put it somewhere, did you ask her?"

So she went over and started hassling some poor girl. They came over and checked all the rooms but the lady insisted that she had left it in the one I was in. Seriously, where would I have put her stuff. It certainly wouldn't have fit in my purse. Aaarg!

While this lady was having her little spas attack with me and this girl another Zellers employee said that she found the jacket and stuff. Guess where?? Com'on just guess. Okay okay, I'll tell you.

In the MENS changerooms! She had been changing in the mens area.

Honestly, some people.

I actually wanted to put this trailer up.

TURTLE POWER

I used to love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I was a kid... what am I talking about heck I still do. I can still remember the theme song. The old cartoon was great and the movies made in the 90's were great. I wish instead of trying to reinvent past cartoon that networks would just replay the old ones because the new cartoon is, for lack of a better word, crap. But I am super excited about this....

RANDOM RAMBLINGS

I think the novelty of blogging has worn off. I don't know if I'll keep it up. It has just become one more thing I have to do. I think this is partly because of all the computer problems I have had the last few weeks. I am just sick of anything computer realated. I think it is mostly because I miss talking to people. I miss the sound of my friends' voices on the phone. I have lots of friends here that I love and hang out with lots. But I miss the good ol' standards, the people I grew up with, have known for years.
I love reading blogs but I don't like getting little tidbits of people's lives. I want hear the whole story. It's fun to laugh at people, but it is so much more fun to laugh with them. I miss those times when you hanging out with good friends and you laugh so hard you cry or almost pee your pants. Those are the special moments that make life worth while.

Changing gears...
I think I am going to do some serious research here in the next few weeks. I'm going to try and find out if there is some medical condition which causes a person to be overly snotty or full of boogers. Embarassing moments involving the nose have plagued me for a years. Perhaps I am allergic to boys. The majority of my snot stories occur around males. Like this week I was getting help with a chem lab from a friend, and out of absolutely nowhere my nose drips on my page. I wiped it off as fast as possible, I really hope he didn't see. But I guess who cares if he did, I'm not trying to impress anybody. But how gross is that, really. I had no forwarning, it just dripped. Oh well.

Being my always graceful and agile self, I managed to rip another pair of jeans. This time it was only on the knee, no where embarassing. Well the rip wasn't embarassing but how I got the rip was. It is really really icy outside.

On yet another note...
I think I am going to be staying in Saskatoon for the summer. I have a lot of options open right now. I have applied for a few jobs, got involved in stuff with my church, might do some summer classes, in the process of getting a little sister, might be involved with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship doing some summer admin stuff and gettting ready for next year. I can't do it all, but I am not sure what all I should do. So if you think about it your prayers would be appreciated. Especially for the Intervaristy thing.

I've never really been a fan of "clubs". They always seem to me to be pretty exclusive. But I have got some things that I would really like to see happen on campus and IVCF seems to be the place where I can get the encouragement and connections to make things happen. Lord willing obviously. I am hesitant though to officially be a part of a "club". As soon as your are you get a label, and people see you as a certain way depending on what club you belong to. This is the way it is on campus. Campus for Christ are the "pushy evengelist" Christians, Intervarsity are the "shy, no one even knows exist" Christians, etc. While I have been told by friends that with a laugh like mine how can people not know I exist, I am afraid of the stereotype. I don't want to be a certain type of Christian. I just want to love Jesus and for people to see that. It will all work out thought, because the Lord knows what plans he has for me.

In order to avoid writing a novel on my thoughts I will end here.

P.S. Checkout 24-7saskatoon.blogspot.com, I wrote a little blurb there. It's the site for the prayer group that we have going on here.

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

So I've been thinking about changing my blog address. I want something that says a little bit more about who I am. dawn14rose doesn't really say much about my personality.

Here is a couple of ideas I had...

21goingon12 (the only problem is I will be 22 soon, but whatever)

dori_incarnate (I've been told that I am a little like Dori off Finding Nemo, and she's my favourite little fish so why not)

nerdelicious (probably not, silly idea, disregard)

What do you think? You like? Let me know what I should go with. Or if you have any clever or witty suggestions leave a comment!

THE FATHER'S BROKEN HEART

I have become more aware the last week of how truly lost and depraved our world is. I have had a few isolated experiences that make me shudder, want to scream, cry and pray. I still find some of the things I have heard/seen hard to believe, I don't want to believe them.

Young women looking at magazines, trying to find " the sluttiest swimsuits" or "trashiest clothes" to get their boyfriends to love them or think they are pretty. Really, that's what they said. My heart breaks for them, that they don't know where their true value lies. That they for some reason feel they have to stay with these boyfriends. What kind of boys are we raising that require their girlfriends to do this for their affection? W e need a little more Proverbs 31 over here! We need Jesus!

On the bus I was surrounded by what I perceived to be elementary-jr high kids. They looked about 10-13 years old. It's hard to tell the way kids dress and with the make up girls wear. I was horrified when I heard them taking about pornagraphy, about websites and anime pornography. The language they were using would make a sailor blush, I know I was blushing. When did kids stop being kids? When I was that age kids had bowling parties, played marco polo and boys had cooties. I don't even think I knew what making out was when I was that age. I was devastated. I grieved for the pure and simple childhood these kids will never have. I think I am still in shock, I have been for the last couple days.

If I, a sinful being, feel such pain, how much more does God feel this pain. Anger towards the society that has created these children. Sadness that these kids live in one of the wealthiest and safest countries in the world, yet their sousl are being robbed and tormented.

I can't just sit here... but what to do?

I feel lead to be a Big Sister, but I am not good with youth. I am actually a little afraid of youth, I just dont understand them, they might as well be talking in HTML. I am an old people person. Who am I to try and change the world? To think that maybe I can change a life when I am not fully changed myself or anywhere near perfect?

Not me, but Jesus working through me.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6: something)

So I'm suiting up and getting ready to go. I got me a nice shiny belt, some great boots and I am ready to face some flamin' arrows.

MIA - FEAR NOT I AM ALIVE

I haven't blogged for a while because my laptop is really fritzin' out on me. It only turned on three times the last week, and during that time it only stayed on for about 15 min. So I haven't had time to blog, I have had to spend all my time at the school until all hours of the night to redo assignments and lab reports.

NOT MY FAVOURITE DAY OF MY LIFE

Grrrrr!

I've been working on this assignment for probably three hours, now when my computer did the random shut down that it often does. I know my computer has a tendancy to do this so I save my work often, and I have the timed save set to every 5 min so I wasn't to concerned. I rebooted my computer and went to open the file. I was surprised to find that it had not saved most of my work, only about 1 paragraph. Relief came when a little window popped up saying that there was a time-saved back up and asking me if I wanted to open it. Whew! I clicked open and there was the assignment in it's entirety. Better re-save it again. So I go to SAVE AS, give it a new name and click save. Then it tells me that I do not have the right to perform this action, closes the program and now my assignment is lost again. Feel like crying.

On a less unfortunate note....

I had some trouble on the drive to church today. I was on Circle Drive, where the speed limit is 90km, so I was going 100km. It's like a bypass, you can get from one side of town to the other in like 10min because there is no lights. So I was driving happily along, when in a matter of seconds (really, no exaggeration) the windows fogged up hard core. I tried to wipe it off with my mitts but it wasn't just a little bit frosty, there was a thin sheet of ice. I would have pulled over but on this road there is no place to pull over. So I am driving 100km and I can't see out my window. I tried to stop breathing and opened the window but that didn't really help. And I hadn't preheated my car so the air wasn't blowing warm enough to melt it. My aving grace was a small space at the bottom of the windshield that I could see almost clearly out of, so with that and driving with the window open in -25C I made it to church safely. Although I did pray everytime I changed lanes.

On the bright side...

After church I had to run to the university to pick up a textbook that I had forgotten on friday. There is really very few parking spaces within walking distance of where my locker is and I was going to run in and out really super fast. Plus I figured no one would be out writing tickets at 11am on a sunday morning. So please don't hate me, it hurt me to do it. I parked in a handicapped parallel parking spot. I'm not proud of myself. I have actually never seen those stall used before and there were three other stalls so I was certain I would be back in time before all four were actaully needed, which I was. However, I was wrong about there not being anyone writing tickets on a sunday morning. As I turned the corner and approached my car I saw a dude with his pen and paper, taking down my liscence plate. I figured I was going to get a doozy of a ticket, which I fully deserved. I walked over and said hi, and waited for him to give me my ticket. He said hello, them scribbled on his pad and walked away. No ticket, thank goodness.

P.S. Anyone got any mad computer skills that can help me find the backup file in Windows?

School has been surprisingly relaxing this semester. I think the combination of accepting that there are somethings that I will never be good at and being in classes that I actually enjoy have made a big difference. For example, I will never be good at chemistry, it just won't happen. So after this semester I will stop trying to prove that I can be. It just won't ever happen. I Got my chemistry midterm back yesterday. I knew when I wrote it I wouldn't do well (Note that for me I feel like I have failed if I get less than 80%), but I wasn't expecting to get fifty percent. That's right a solid 50%. However, I felt better knowing that class average was about 46%. And as a class we beat last years average. Now as punishment for our poor perfomance the teacher is making us write out full solutions to the midterm, even the multiple choice he wants our reason in complete sentences. Perhaps we are not the ones who should be punished, if you teach a class which consistently fails the midterm year after year perhaps you need to do a little self evaluation.
On a slightly happier note, I got my biochemistry midterms back, which I was actually quite worried about since I didn't study for it. 83%. So although it is not a great mark I am okay with it because I know for the final if I study a bit I will be just fine. How is it that in organic chemistry and bichemistry I can easily score over 80%, but in general chemistry (which the other two are based on) I am a good 35% lower? Huh? I wish I knew, but oh well. Good thing I don't want to be a chemist.