CAN'T KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE

So here is more of why I am not a responsible care taker of children.

I often laugh at things they do or say, not because they are funny, in fact most of the time they are not appropriate, but because that is just my response when I am caught of guard. And sometimes they are funny because I have no class.

So we are sitting at lunch and this one little guy lets the biggest, funniest fart rip ever. I considered checking his pants. It was absolutely hilarious. All the kids were laughing, but we are supposed to teach them good manners. As the teacher I am supposed to a) not laugh, b) quiet down all the kids and c) teach the boy that flatulence is not welcome at the table. I didn't even make it past the first step. And all the kids noticed. I was tearing up trying to stop myself from laughing while the other teacher had control the situation all by herself.

On a similar note, another little guy is just potty training. Apparently going #2 is very awkward and uncomfortable for them on the potty so it is common for kids to try and hold it in. This, as you can imagine, can cause some serious cramps. This poor boy hadn't gone for days I guess, and was complaining of a sore tummy. We had put him in a pull up (side note: pull ups are the stupidest things in the world, just buy regular diapers for crying out loud) because we went to MacDonalds and it is too hard to deal with partially potty trained kids in a restaurant. We noticed him walking funny on the way home and guessed what had happened. I was the lucky one who got to changed the poor guy. He looked so embarrassed and worried about it. I brought him into the bathroom to change him. I partly opened just one side of the pull up to check the deposit and it spilled out. He was overflowing with excrement. Down his leg and on his new Spiderman underpants. I felt so bad for him, he was so traumatized by the situation. It didn't help that one of the other kids was pointing out that there was poo on his wiener and pants and on the floor. I, not knowing what to do, and finding it hilarious that I am the lucky one who gets to clean this up, chuckle as I am trying to assure this child it is okay and get the other to stop pointing out what a mess this is. I don't think I was very reassuring.

Sometimes I just don't know what to say. I think there are times when there is nothing you can say. One 5 year old told me as I was monitoring the bathroom,
"Sometimes when I poop my eyes cry."
How do you respond.

Lastly we will leave the bathroom to the art room. Everyone had to draw a picture for a kid who was leaving at the end of the month. One boy decided to draw a picture of people. I asked what he was drawing for the sake of conversation and without skipping a beat he told me,
"It's a person, with a head and legs, a belly button and boobies."
"And what?"
"A belly button adn boobies."
Sorry, I couldn't hear you the other kids are being to loud. What was the last thing you said?"
"BOOBIES!"
I tried to hide a little chuckle, I was shocked that this kid knew what boobies were. He's a preschooler for crying out loud.
"Uh, that's not a word for daycare. I don't want to hear it again."
"Well why did you make me say it three times."
Smartass

I WAS ONLY SAYING IT BECAUSE IT RHYMED

So I was changing a little boy's diaper at daycare yesterday. He's almost 2 years old I think. Absolutely adorable. At the age where he loves to repeat everything you say, so he has picked up some of my standards, like "Whoopsie daisies", "Oh golly", and "Okey dokey Smokey". He loves that last one, I think because it rhymes. Because of that when he starts to get cranky I try to connect a string of words that rhyme. Well, while I was changing him he got a little upset because the baby wipes were cold. In keeping with the spirit of rhyming, I said,

"Oh dear, chilly willy eh big guy. Chilly willy."

I think I got that from the penguin cartoon that played after Woody Woodpecker. But it rhymed and made him happy so I repeated it a few times. And bless his little heart, he repeated after me, and now associates having his diaper changed with a "chilly willy". Hope he doesn't say that in front of his parents.

Whoops!

WHAT A BLESSED MORNING

So I realized that it has been quite some time since I blogged, lots has been going on but I just haven't really felt like blogging, or had the time to do so. Sorry! However I did feel compelled to share with you what a wonderful morning I had.
Last night I set my alarm clock for about 7:30 so that I would have time to throw in a load of laundry and call Kim before church. Well I set it for 7:30... pm. Fabulous! Sorry Kim, I really wanted to talk to you. I woke up at 9 which is still plenty of time for me to get ready and be at church for 10. I left home at my usual time and made my way to church.
I must say I was looking pretty darn good! I even wore high heels. Woo-eeee! This turned out to be almost tragic. On my way to church, driving about 60km/h (within the speed limit) the truck in front of me slammed on his brakes. I was a good distance behind him and went to hit my brakes too but my heel got caught in the mat on the floor of my car which meant that when I got a foot ont he brake I really had to slam and swerve not hit the truck. I almost soiled myself. I was absolutely rattled!
I pulled myself together and continued on to church. Traffic was backed up so I was now late for church, which I really hate. When I made it out of traffic and onto the ramp to go north I was going a little faster than necessary to try and make up for time lost. I turned right off the ramp and around a fallen construction fence type thing then back into the right lane. As I went on my way I hear the sound of scratching metal. I looked in my mirrors but didn't see anything. I decided to pull over on the next turn. When I get out of my car I find the that I didn't actually clear that construction fence and it was tangled under my car. In the words of my friend Twyla, it was like when the car version of when toilet paper gets stuck to your shoe. I estimate it was about 5m long and included a 1.5 meter metal bar. Splendid!
From the standing position I tried to pull but with no success. I had to get down on my hands and knees in the grocery store parking lot , while in my sunday finest, and untangle this thing. It is very hard while wearing a skirt, to be a lady on a windy day, when you are on your hands and knees reaching under a very low car. I had mud all over my arms and face and knees. On the up side I managed to keep my light pink skirt clean. After I untangled the bugger I was remembered my camera was in my purse. I am already late for church, might as well get a quick picture.

You can't see all of it in this pic and the metal bar isn't visible. What a great start to the day!

WHAT'S WITH KIDS THESE DAYS?

So I decided I am not responsible enough to care for children. I can play with them just fine, but I do not do a very good job of being an adult. Wednesday was kind of the final straw in coming to this conclusion. I sent two kids flying off the merry-go-round at work, a 2.5 and 4 year old. And I mean flying. The younger of the two must have gone at least a meter. It wasn't totally my fault. They saw a bigger kid jumping while he was on so they thought they could do the same. Although I probably shouldn't have spun the thing so fast.

I was told by a 6 year old on Thursday that I needed to shave my armpits. Thanks.
Later that day I sat down to play some cards and this one little 5 years old boy sat down to play.
"Uh, gross, your hands are all dirty." The girls said to him.
"Well duh. I am a man, my hands are supposed to get dirty."
It was too cute. 5 years old and he thinks he's a man.

On Friday I sat down at a table with a group of girls that were making purses out of paper for a special game. I thought they would have a tea party or play shopping. I sat down and made one too. Then they started making pretend cell phones, Blackberries (or Blueberries what ever those things are) and special "identafecashen". I started to get concerned. I think these kids have workaholics for parents. They finished and prepared for their game. You know what they were playing? Bet you can't guess.
The were playing entrepreneur. What the heck. I didn't even know what that meant when I was 7 let alone devise a game. My goodness! I ended up having to console one of the boys because he got fired. Watch Apprentice much? Gee whiz.
Later I was playing a mini billiards game with one of the girls. We kept getting interrupted by her pretend cell phone ringing. Are you kidding me?

I am terrified to see what these kids are like when they grow up. Someone needs to throw them in a mud puddle so they can learn what being a kid is all about.