BOYS MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS -- YOU CAN IF YOU WANT BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU

Yesterday I woke up in a very confused state. I had set my alarm for 7 am so that I could get some blood work done and get to my lab to check on my tissue cultures before class. When I woke up I forgot why I was getting up so early so I set my alarm for an hour ahead and went back to sleep. I woke up again to find that it was almost 8:30, I wondered why my alarm hadn't gone off the second time. I turned on my radio then realized why I wanted to get up so early...

"Ah shout! I was supposed to go piss in a cup!"

Oh well, not going to make it now. I listened to the radio for a while, then the newsguy said something about 7:30. What? I looked at my clock again; it was 8:30. What the heck? Then I took a closer look at my clock and realized that I had set the time and hour ahead, not the alarm. So it was 7:30, that's why the alarm didn't go off a second time and I had still had time to get to the health clinic. I rushed to get ready, but not quite fast enough. I missed the bus that would have gotten me there in 10 min. It was faster to walk then to wait for the next bus, so that is what I did. I got to the clinic and they sucked a ton of my blood then gave me a cute little cup with a pink lid on it. I walked shamefully past all the people waiting in the waiting room and went into the bathroom.

I totally didn't have to pee. I just went like 45 min ago when I got up. I was determined to get this over with. This bathroom was small and I knew it was colonized to the nth degree with all sorts of bacteria. Considering it is used by people who are collecting urine or stool samples and knowing that only a small fraction of the population effectively washes their hands, I estimated this bathroom to be one of the germiest places on earth. There was no place to hang my sweater, or put my back pack or even place my cup while I prepare for collection. So there I was trying to balance without touching the seat, struggling to hold up my sweater, open up the cup, hold the lid and collect. I dropped the lid on the floor, so it was definitely contaminated, but I had gotten this far already, I wasn't going to quite now. The results will probably come back saying I have some horrible disease.

So I'm in my ready position, and try as I might, I cannot whiz. I pushed so hard I thought I was going to deliver my bladder.

I managed to complete the ask at hand, then I had to walk shamefully past all the people waiting again, carrying the specimen, and place it in a discrete white basket labeled in large letters "URINE SAMPLES" which was sitting right on the front desk.

BLONDE IN A FORMER LIFE PERHAPS?

In an effort to maintain good physical and mental health in the midst of all the things that I do I have set guidelines to indicate when I might need to slow down and take a break.
Here are some of these parameters...
1) Losing weight (definite no-no, I already look like a pencil in toothpicks)
2) Insomnia
3) Any sign of an anxiety attack
4) More than 2 blonde moments in a 24 hour period.
etc..

Late last week I managed to break #4. These moments of tremendous stupidity are as follows:

a) I mailed a letter to myself. It was late at night and this letter said "mail to that address at the top of the page". So I mindlessly copied out the address in big bold letters at the top. This was however my own address, which I didn't recognize at the time.

b) It was friday night and I thought that it was saturday. Work called to see if I could come in the following morning.
"No sorry, I can't I teach Sunday school."
"Uh, okay." She didn't sound like what I said made sense, but it did to me.
I hung up and not until the next day did I realize what I had done.

c) After a nice dinner out I shared dessert with my family. I took a big spoonful and blew on it to cool it off. Completely unnecessary considering it is ice cream cake.

So in light of the preceeding events, I am taking a few hours this evening to do nothing, to be completely unproductive. I am not even going to knit or bake cookies! Hopefully my intelligence will rebound for the rest of the week.

RANDOM

I am currently waiting for my class notes to download, so with nothing better to do, I thought I would post some random stuff. Sure I could be studying, but that's not why I am paying $5ooo in tuition. :)

I think i may have broken a $800 dollar pipette in my micro lab. I thought I was smart and could adjust the thing myself. And I did, I figured out how to change the aliquot volume. Unfortunately, after I had done that, the TA gave the pre-lab lecture, which began with "How not to change the volume." I did it exactly how you are not supposed to do it. And it is quite difficult to actually test these things because they measure like 1/1000 of a mL. Stupid arrogant scientist thinks she can do anything.

I also wrecked something else this week. I don't want to say in case the person whom it may affect might read this. I've tried everything I know how to fix the stupid thing, but I can't. And nobody else I know can fix it either.

Quotes that make me smile (or laugh out loud)...

"Why do things that happen to stupid people always happen to me?" -- Homer Simpson

If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

7UP + SPICY FOOD = ???

So I was at the family's home yesterday to help with braille and some computer stuff. They asked if I would eat with them, I wasn't hungry but they insisted, so I thought I would have a little bit. I sat down at the table where they had waiting for me a big plate of rice with some green leafy thing and some omelet type thing. There was also a bowl of some sauce I was informed was to go on top of the rice and leafy thing. A mixture of fish paste and chili pepper I think they said. No big deal, I like spicy food, I have a friend from Bangledesh who shares her food with me. It's really good. The fish paste I wasn't so sure about but whatever.

Aside from the fishy taste, it was really good, it was spicy but not too bad. A glass of water would have been nice. Just as I thought that they brought a glass to my place, I was hoping for water but they poured me a glass of 7-up. Not exactly what you want to sooth the burn in your mouth, but I didn't have anything else. As soon as the first gulp of 7 up reached my stomach I knew trouble was brewing. But I couldn't just leave half a plate of food. They do not waste anything! So I continued to eat and drink, every bite bringing me closer to disaster. I had felt sick after a meal at there place before but I managed to keep it together. This time however it felt like my stomach wash unleashing the wrath of a thousand volcanoes. With about a handful left in my plate I planned on shoveling the rest down and then dashing off as if I were late for something.

With about 3 spoonfuls left my hole body heaved as I tried to contain the fury within. I think I pulled every muscle in my torso. Thank goodness the father couldn't see me and the rest of the family was in the other room. I was not going to make it. I had to run lest I blow chunks all over their dinning room table. I couldn't even open my mouth to excuse myself or say goodbye. I pointed to my watch trying to convey that I was in a hurry and went to grab my purse. In typical Chantal fashion, I couldn't remember where I put it. I had to search for it while trying to hide the fact that I was exploding on the inside. I found it and calmly left the apartment. As soon as the door closed I booted it outside. I just made it to the parking lot when my esophageal sphyncter decided it could hold on no more. The contents of my gut went from stomach to mouth at mach 1 and I vomited with such force there was kick back.

The projectile traveled quite a distance. I hope they didn't see or hear me. I quickly got into my car, and drove home with my face in a plastic bag just in case. I got home, where I lied down to study for my midterm. Unfortunately I was studying all about digestion and the churning of my stomach. Not helpful. I was just glad that the fire had burned down by the time the remaining dinner reached the other end.