BOYS MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS -- YOU CAN IF YOU WANT BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU

Yesterday I woke up in a very confused state. I had set my alarm for 7 am so that I could get some blood work done and get to my lab to check on my tissue cultures before class. When I woke up I forgot why I was getting up so early so I set my alarm for an hour ahead and went back to sleep. I woke up again to find that it was almost 8:30, I wondered why my alarm hadn't gone off the second time. I turned on my radio then realized why I wanted to get up so early...

"Ah shout! I was supposed to go piss in a cup!"

Oh well, not going to make it now. I listened to the radio for a while, then the newsguy said something about 7:30. What? I looked at my clock again; it was 8:30. What the heck? Then I took a closer look at my clock and realized that I had set the time and hour ahead, not the alarm. So it was 7:30, that's why the alarm didn't go off a second time and I had still had time to get to the health clinic. I rushed to get ready, but not quite fast enough. I missed the bus that would have gotten me there in 10 min. It was faster to walk then to wait for the next bus, so that is what I did. I got to the clinic and they sucked a ton of my blood then gave me a cute little cup with a pink lid on it. I walked shamefully past all the people waiting in the waiting room and went into the bathroom.

I totally didn't have to pee. I just went like 45 min ago when I got up. I was determined to get this over with. This bathroom was small and I knew it was colonized to the nth degree with all sorts of bacteria. Considering it is used by people who are collecting urine or stool samples and knowing that only a small fraction of the population effectively washes their hands, I estimated this bathroom to be one of the germiest places on earth. There was no place to hang my sweater, or put my back pack or even place my cup while I prepare for collection. So there I was trying to balance without touching the seat, struggling to hold up my sweater, open up the cup, hold the lid and collect. I dropped the lid on the floor, so it was definitely contaminated, but I had gotten this far already, I wasn't going to quite now. The results will probably come back saying I have some horrible disease.

So I'm in my ready position, and try as I might, I cannot whiz. I pushed so hard I thought I was going to deliver my bladder.

I managed to complete the ask at hand, then I had to walk shamefully past all the people waiting again, carrying the specimen, and place it in a discrete white basket labeled in large letters "URINE SAMPLES" which was sitting right on the front desk.