So I have had another great week. One of the kids at work bit me, so I know what it must feel like for you breastfeeding mothers. He was definitely old enough to know better, but all the kids have been acting strange. Maybe there's a full moon or something.

I got a flat tire. Turned out not to be so bad because I had a full size spare in my trunk and it happened to be close enough to work that I could borrow a jack from somebody else. Now I know that I should have my own jack, but there is a good reason why I didn't, but I am not going to go into that now. I was pretty ticked though that nobody offered to help. I was passed by a few males who just kept walking or offered stupid tips. My pride would have probably forced me to decline any assistance but that's besides the point. Where are the gentlemen? That's okay, I am completely capable of doing such things on my own.

I was baking a banana loaf the other day and discovered that my oven mitts had ants in them. A fair quantity had taken residence inside the cozy cotton. I might just buy some new ones because that was pretty gross, there is probably tons of bacteria and little ant feces inside. And I needed new ones any way because I accidentally put them in the dryer when I washed them so they were a little snug on my massive man hands.

Still sick, but a different kind of sick then last week. I think I might make a sticker chart of all the common illness that infect humans and see how many I get. So far I have had a cold of the upper respiratory system, laryngitis, cold of the lower respiratory tract, fever and chills, with intermittent episodes of diarrhea of unknown origin. Just in the last three weeks.
Oh life is good!

KIDS ARE GREAT

I've shared with you some of the joys of working with the elderly, now I thought I would share some of my favourite moments from working at the daycare.
I am paired one on one with a 2 year old boy who has autistic tendencies. He is a bit of a screamer. As soon as he sees someone crying he screams at the top of his lungs and doesn't stop. I have discovered that if you sing him a song it distracts him. Being a two year old I thought his favourite song would be something like the ABC's or old MacDonald. Nope. His favourite song goes like this...

"We will, we will... ROCK YOU!"

On a similar note I was surprised to hear 4 year olds singing Avril Lavigne's song "Girlfriend". I don't think that song sends the best message to girls.
Despite being one on one I do have a lot of interaction with the other toddlers. One little boy, who brings in all the teachers imaginary "double doubles" from Tim Horton's everyday, brought me a picture of a hot air balloon from a magazine also handed me a freshly picked gift. Flowers would have been good, but nothing compares to what he handed me. A great big green crusty booger. How thoughtful.
I also get a kick out of the 1 year olds who think they can run after the older kids. It usually ends up in a "Jack and Jill" type scenario where the little ones come tumbling down the hill after. It sounds mean but it is actually quite hilarious to see a little one rolling down the hill not being able to stop himself. They are pretty resilient. I have seen kids take some pretty serious spills and get up like nothing happened.
Another wonderful part of my job is getting to potty train kids. Especially boys who insist on standing up to pee. I never would have thought that a two year old could pee with such force that he could spray the ceiling.

Mr. Right

Well, I have been kind of down in the dumps lately. I found out that my boyfriend found someone else. Yes, Harvey the 95 year old farmer left me for a younger woman. But I don't think I'll be single for very long.
I was approached today by a super cute boy. He had gorgeous brown eyes and strawberry blonde hair, cut short, non of that long hippy hair. I've known him for a couple of weeks now. He's a sensitive guy, not afraid to show his emotions. He asked me to dance. I was a little reluctant, but I wasn't really doing anything else so I said yes. He took my hands in his and off we went. We polka-ed and two stepped and then just jumped around being silly. He never took his eyes off me, and smiled the whole time. When we were done he threw his arms around me and kissed me. I never thought I could fall in love so fast. That adorable little two year old stole my heart.

ELDERLY SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

So I haven't posted for a while because I forgot I had a blog. Here are a few random things that have brought sunshine into my life.

Have I told you I love my job? Well I do, it's so great! For those of you who don't know, I am working at an elderly care home. Almost everyday I am brought to tears from laughing so hard. I love old people because they say exactly what they think and they don't care who hears it. Here is a couple of gems from my time working with 80+ year olds.

1. Me: Hi Mary! How are you today?
Mary(97years old): I can't see, I have no teeth and I wear a diaper, guess.
2. When being served shepherd's pie for dinner: Who sh** under my mashed potatoes?
3. my 95year old boyfriend (my first day): Holy he** a white girl. I didn't know they hired white people. For a while I thought I had been shipped to Taiwan or something.

I could probably write a novel of all things they have said. Oh by the way anyone know what a ukranian bra is? I was quite startled when my boyfriend told me to take off my ukranian bra. I was later told that it is simply when you have your arms crossed over your chest. That was his way of telling me not to look so bored and grumpy.

So I think the guy at the dollar store was hitting on me the other day. I went in to pick up a few things then was in line at the counter. The cashier kept looking at me while I was in line to the point where I was quite uncomfortable. He put my stuff through and then I paid. When he went to give me back my change he grabbed my hand and held it while he was putting the change in it. I left in a hurry and burst out laughing in the middle of the mall. I think people around me thought I was crazy.

STUPID AND INCOMPETENT

As a student in the biological sciences I have had hammered into my head Darwin's theories. Especially the one about survival of the fittest. However, my own experiences are bringing some doubt about the truth of this theory. I think that you will agree that a lot of stupid things happen to me and that perhaps if I was in the wild I would not survive. The latest incident, although mild, is just another in a series that is making me think that I will one day be immortalized, my story will be told in the great book known as the Darwin Awards.
Today I got stuck to a mixing bowl. It was one of those metal ones. Around the rim of the bowl the edges are rolled under. While I was washing dishes the nails of two of my fingers got stuck under the rim of the bowl. I couldn't get them out I tried pulling and wiggling them, but they were stuck. I was stuck for quite some time, it was like the Chinese finger trap for domestics. I could not get out. I sat down and laughed at myself for a few minutes wishing you were here Kim to share the moment with me (It was sooo good to hear your voice this morning). I walked around my apartment going about my business for a little while with a bowl stuck to my hand. I finally had to pull so hard that I lost some chunks of fingernails.

Now for the incompetent part. So I was babysitting for some friends tonight. I had to pick the kids up after school. Now I usually don't have kids in my car so when it comes to safety the extent of my thinking is "make sure they are wearing their seat belts". It's a good thing these kids are more aware of child safety then I am. The young buckaroo, 9 years old I think, had the smarts to inquire as to whether there was air bags. I have actually never even thought about it, I don't think there is, but I said yes just in case. So the kiddies hopped in the back seat. I had totally forgotten that kids under twelve are not supposed to ride shotgun if there is airbags. Sorry Dan and Char! I feel like such a dufus.
The rest of the night went pretty well. I had to ask the little girl how her mom's pizza pan works, but other than that it was good. We played school, I haven't had a spelling test in about 10 years. Then we played a combo of hide and seek and tag. After about three rounds I was huffin' and puffin'. I really need to get in shape. Then I got worked in animalopoly. Now I am exhausted so I will say goodnight.