The problem...

This isn't the first time that my life has been disrupted by the desire to fight this injustice. For years I have known about the horrible things that are happening in the world. I seem to roller-coaster an awful lot, from being really passionate to giving up and going back to normal life. Up until this morning I had forgotten why had given up before.

There seams to be absolutely nothing I can do.

There is lots of opportunities for law enforcement, doctors, lawyers, accountants, social workers, etc. I am none of these things. Of course there is a lot things I can do here at home as far as awareness, but I am sick of telling people who don't seem to care. And I don't see how that helps the family who is, unknowingly, about to send their daughter with a man who is going to sell her body, or how it brings hope back into the life of victims.

I am not going to give up this time. At least I don't want to give up. I don't know what I am going to do. Right now things aren't looking good, there is just no doors open. I would do anything I could to help, piddly office work, filing, data entry, vacuuming or washing windows. Anything. But it's like I am in a cartoon, where the door has been locked bolted and barred. I don't know why God would give me this passion and then leave me a sitting duck.

What I want (dream about)...

In the little land of make believe inside my head what I really want, what I think about more than being a doctor/nurse, is running through a Thai brothel Rambo style and rescuing the 8 year old girls who are being raped to death. I realize that this is totally not going to happen, and that it is just the little dream world that I live in. But still, there has to be something I can do.

These little girls whose soul has been ripped from their bodies, who have no hope, no faith, no reason to live need to be saved. I would give anything, risk everything to be able to save them, to give them a chance. I cry for them, spend sleepless nights thinking of them, praying for them, some days I am so angry I can't even focus.

For those of you who don't know what I am talking about, it is called Human Trafficking, specifically I am most passionate about the sexual exploitation of young, elementary school aged girls being sold into brothels, the lucky ones might be sold to some pervert to be his personal sex slave. I say lucky because they are less likely to be exposed to the same multitude of diseases, although maybe disease might be preferred so they can die and not endure anymore torture.

Estimates from different sources say anywhere from 700,000 to over a million living, breathing, feeling, humans are sold. Often what happens is men will come to poverty stricken villages and promise families a chance at an education and good job as a domestic for their daughters. These families, in desperate circumstances, send their little angels, princesses, pumpkins, cutie pies, some not even old enough for kindergarten, with these men. They are then taken to other countries, where they are sold to perverts.

The girls maybe locked in a room barely bigger than a refrigerator box or they may be placed
in one large common room where men look at them through a window and chose the soul they are going to destroy. On a good night they may only be raped five or six times, but some may endure as many as 25.

These girls may go months or years without seeing the light of day. They will be beaten both by their owners and the men they "service". They will likely never see their families again. They will be exposed to countless diseases and infections.

I cannot bear sitting here while this is happening. Injustice is not a big enough word. God is pissed. Action needs to be taken.

Check out this little video, there are many videos out, but this is one of the more recent ones that I have found from organizations working to stop trafficking.

What I know (at least I think I know)

I know that I was meant to love. Yeah, I realize that this is stating the obvious for someone who is following Christ but just hear me out. Some people feel closest to God in there prayer times. Some people when the preach or sing they can feel the Spirit moving in them and giving them words. For others seeing nature, standing beside a mountain is humbling and and brings them to their knees.

For me, earth shattering things happen when I am doing what seems to be menial tasks. Love is not always easy, or glamorous or fun, trust me, I know, I work in a nursing home. But it is unique, there is nothing else even comparable . I know that I am meant to love because of the way the Spirit directs me and moves in me.

I volunteer at a youth drop in center in the "rough" side of town. Most days, as I get ready to leave, I have a near anxiety attack because the category of "youth" terrifies me. But I know that God sent me there so I keep going. One day I realized why I was there. I was doing puzzle after puzzle with a few girls that were about 10 years old. They were showing me some that they had finished before I got there, and I was helping them tape them together so they could take them home, wherever that was going to be that day.

Then a little girl, five years old came and stood beside me and looked up at me. I turned to her,

"Hi sweetheart."

She didn't respond. She looked at my hand, then looked back at me for a few seconds. I smiled, and she grabbed my hand. At that moment, I felt the Spirit jump inside of me. When her little fingers wrapped around mine I felt something that is beyond words. I wonder if that is what it was like for Elizabeth when baby John jumped inside of her. Mary came by, with Jesus within her womb, and the Spirit knew it. The Spirit moved in the presence of the Lord.

This child, the least of these, Jesus himself, grabbed hold of my hand and brought me over to the humble little puzzle she had put together. It was on old puzzle, edges were peeling and pieces were missing. I would have given anything to be able to find those missing pieces. But the puzzle didn't need it. It was perfect to her, because she had put it together, all by herself. I helped her tape it together.

As we were closing up shop the man who has been running this youth center told me that she has never done that to anyone. He said she is always very shy, distant, not very social, even with him despite the fact that he has known her since she was born.

Why did she chose me? Why did Jesus chose me? Why should I be so blessed to be accepted by this little angel? The only thing I can do is hope and pray that she felt and saw a little of Jesus in me too.

Where I'm at

I am currently working towards a degree in Microbiology and Immunology. The plan is/was to finish my degree then continue on to nursing or medical school. Then after that go on to do medical missions in developing countries. Nice little plan, eh?

Now, I enjoy what I am learning, but I am not highly motivated to do the work. I don’t really study, and I don't dream about the day when I will graduate and begin practicing as a nurse/doctor. Well, at least not that much. It's not that I am apathetic about the idea, I love the health sciences, and there are so many ways that type of education could be used to serve God. But it is not what I am most passionate about. I haven't been brought to tears in prayer for people needing MMR vaccinations (measles/mumps/rubella). I haven't had any restless nights thinking about those who do not have proper health care. Don't get me wrong, it does break my heart, and I would be honored and humbled if God allowed me to serve him in that way. But there is something else that disturbs the very core of my being, an injustice that I cannot ignore.

Unfortunately jumping into the fight against this injustice is not easy, and is likely impossible for me in they way that I dream about.

TRANSITION

I've decided to change the focus of my blog (along with the colours, don't you love the hippie look!). I've decided to make it my personal journal, a place express myself as my head slips into the back seat (don't worry, it's not totally jumping out of the vehicle) to let my heart take the wheel. You are more than welcome to read it, but it may not entertain in the same way that did before.

I am on a journey right now which may have huge implications on my future direction, or might simply be an over emotional moment in a young womens life. Either or, I want to track my thoughts, revelations and frustrations as I let my passions take priority instead of trying to be passionate about my priorities. I am excited about where God may lead, but also afraid of being led by God. Crazy things sometimes happen when you give him control. As much as I like to think I have given him control, my decisions are still shaped by the culture I grew up in and am still engulfed in.

I will explain further this puddle that I am jumping into in the next few days. I may find it to be deeper than my rubber boots can take. But that's o.k. because I am bringing a snorkel just in case!

In a month I may find myself in the same place I was a week ago, still on the same path I am on right now. Regardless of whether my plans and direction change, I know I will change. Please pray for wisdom, discernment and opportunity as I seek to find a tangible expression of my passions and purpose in life.